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White lies

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I was in a work truck, passenger.

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We were on the hwy passing a sign that had the next town ….. “Plover, 2 miles”

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Formaldehyde is bad organic compound that caused cancer, so scientist are creating a good alternative.

Community iconc/dadjokes@lemmy.world by

They called it Formaldejekyll.

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30 minutes of good reading will probably do the trick, no need to eat a whole book per day 😜😁

Community iconc/humor@lemmy.world by
Meme with a human/pig hybrid image overwritten by the caption, "a book a day keeps the brainrot away".

30 minutes of good reading will probably do the trick, no need to eat a whole book per day 😜😁

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Nurse Joke-What does it mean when a patient is drooling out of both sides of their mouth?

Community iconc/dadjokes@lemmy.world by

The gurney is level!

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What do you call a group of 8 hobbits?

Community iconc/dadjokes@lemmy.world by

A hob-byte.

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Who would have believed that the perfect Wikipedia photo caption could have been improved on?

Community iconc/funny@sh.itjust.works by
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Glow-stick Island

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Eyes the size of a large pizza

Community iconc/anythingbutmetric@discuss.tchncs.de by

baby blues

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Death Note

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A limbo champion walked into a bar....

Community iconc/dadjokes@lemmy.world by

They lost.

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It's ok as long as somebody is profiting

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Also you have to move to another state now. Good luck.

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[Video] Shane Gillis at the Netflix Roast of Kevin Hart calls out Chelsea Handler for being a Zionist

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Kevin O’Leary’s proposed 9GW "hyperscale" AI data center in Utah will consume double the state's entire electricity usage and generate the waste heat of 23 atom bombs a day.

Community iconc/anythingbutmetric@discuss.tchncs.de by

waste heat of 23 atom bombs a day

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When you get a chance to name something, and you want to make the most of it.

Community iconc/funny@lemmy.world by
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Why couldn't the lifeguard save the hippy?

Community iconc/dadjokes@lemmy.world by

He was too far out!

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This doesn't concern you

Community iconc/funny@sh.itjust.works by
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One must imagine employees happy

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Oh the irony

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I invented a thought controlled air freshener...

Community iconc/dadjokes@lemmy.world by

It makes scents when you think about it….

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Drinking impairs memory

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Why can you no longer purchase an ancient Egyptian burial in America?

Community iconc/dadjokes@lemmy.world by

Those companies were all found to be pyramid schemes!

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Frank was adamant there are no rivers in Egypt . We had to fly in country and we had to keep pushing him for weeks!

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But now Frank finally admits he was in the Nile .

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Pathetic.

Community iconc/funny@sh.itjust.works by
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When you know what you like

Community iconc/funny@lemmy.world by
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I mean... even I did

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It may seem like it, but buying things just for the sake of buying them is not happiness

Community iconc/humor@lemmy.world by
A six panel comic by Tom Gauld with a little man sitting infront of his laptop. 1: YOUR ORDER HAS BEEN RECEIVED! 2: YOUR ITEM HAS BEEN DISPATCHED! 3: YOUR PACKAGE HAS BEEN DELIVERED! 4: YOUR BOOK HAS BEEN NEGLECTED: LEFT ON THE SHELF, UNREAD AND FORGOTTEN, GATHERING DUST FOR SEVERAL MONTHS. 5: The little man looks concerned. 6: YOUR ORDER HAS BEEN RECEIVED!

It may seem like it, but buying things just for the sake of buying them is not happiness. Instead enjoy the things you already have 😊

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What part of a flowers bicycle are most likely to fall off?

Community iconc/dadjokes@lemmy.world by

The pedals

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Why can’t dogs dance ?

Community iconc/dadjokes@lemmy.world by

They have two left feet

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The prophecy has been fulfilled

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Let's have a good, clean fight.

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Social Media was a mistake

Community iconc/funny@sh.itjust.works by
:wtf:
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Now I personally haven't watched a lot of PBS

Community iconc/humor@lemmy.world by
Meme with a elements from PBS shows in the background overwritten with the caption: PBS didn't "become woke." You grew up to be a bad person.

Now I personally haven't watched a lot of PBS.

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For the brits here: why are there no bank robberies in Wales?

Community iconc/dadjokes@lemmy.world by

Well first someone would need to put a bank inside a whale…

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Where does ground beef go to dance?

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A Meatball.

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Jumper! We got a jumper!! (and... sadly, it's AI) (see analysis comment below)

Community iconc/funny@sh.itjust.works by
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Armageddon 2: Asteroid saves Earth from U.S. in Michael Bay sequel

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[GaryDelaney] Decisions, Decisions

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Coffee mugs - Dogmo comics

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I was having a small procedure the other day and I asked the doctor if I could administer my own anesthesia......

Community iconc/dadjokes@lemmy.world by

He said “Sure, knock yourself out”

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Unless it helps?

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New job

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A calm day

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I bought a new taser the other day but discovered I was holding it wrong.....

Community iconc/dadjokes@lemmy.world by

I was stunned ⚡️⚡️

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Stand Up Comedian makes joke about Israel, gets heckled [2:35]

Community iconc/standupcomedy@lemmy.world by

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Just bite them

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Magic trick

Community iconc/funny@sh.itjust.works by
:risitas-2:
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It depicts a great battle

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I Voted!

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[JeremyKaplowitz] Looking Back

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Make sure you're always prepared

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I got a great price on a 3 foot long ruler the other day...

Community iconc/dadjokes@lemmy.world by

I got it at a yard sale

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What I imagine every time I get an email from my manager...

Community iconc/funny@sh.itjust.works by
but what if...I were to generate the e-mail using copilot and pass it off as my own writing... Ho-ho-ho-ho-ho. Delightfully devilish, Seymour.
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Torrent

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Just torrent

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I bought tickets in the same seats for back to back nights to see the PBR show in town.

Community iconc/dadjokes@lemmy.world by

On the second night the attendant tried pointing to me my seat. But I cut them off and said: “its ok, this isn’t my first rodeo”

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Retiring to your quarters

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Flock of cows

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Dad Joke 3.0..

Community iconc/dadjokes@lemmy.world by

What do you call an angry carrot?

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What award do you get when you win dentist of the year?

Community iconc/dadjokes@lemmy.world by

A little plaque!

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...nearly as long as the length of 100 school buses in the United States, which can be around 35 to 45 feet long.

Community iconc/anythingbutmetric@discuss.tchncs.de by

Finland’s longest bridge opens in Helsinki - but not for cars

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A common misconception

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Safety

Community iconc/funny@lemmy.world by
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The Flat Earth Society had members all around the globe!

Community iconc/funny@sh.itjust.works by
The Flat Earth Society had members all around the globe!
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Optimism

Community iconc/humor@lemmy.world by
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If you listen closely when a cow runs out of milk...

Community iconc/dadjokes@lemmy.world by

all you hear is udder silence.

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People always say you shouldn't rush growing up, so I'm saving my adulthood for when they put me in the incinerator 😜😂

Community iconc/humor@lemmy.world by
Post by ohsalome: Me, aged 14, reading Tolkien: Hobbits are considered chuldren until they are 30? How funky! Fantasy worldbuilding! This is so different from us humans! Me, aged 25: Oh i get it now Reply by roguebelle: Me, aged 34: Actually the Hobbits might be rushing things a bit.

People always say you shouldn't rush growing up, so I'm saving my adulthood for when they put me in the incinerator 😜😂

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Makes sense

Community iconc/funny@lemmy.world by
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Researchers have grown human vocal cords in a petri dish for the first time...

Community iconc/dadjokes@lemmy.world by

The results speak for themselves….

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Blocked in less than 24 hrs bc apparently *some* people (don't want to name any names...) can't appreciate parody

Community iconc/politicalhumor@lemmy.world by

I made a parody substack for Adrian Vermeule, partly bc it’s kind of an inside joke with one of my friends, but mainly just bc it was so fucking weird and extremely dumb/ridiculous it made me laugh. If you don’t really know who he is, you may or may not find this information about him interesting.

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I must be really good at cooking steaks

Community iconc/dadjokes@lemmy.world by

People always tell me they’re well done

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me:

Community iconc/funny@lemmy.world by
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Someone threw a giant bottle of omega-3 pills at me…

Community iconc/dadjokes@lemmy.world by

Luckily, I only suffered super fish oil injuries…

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The Gromit mug

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What type of pants do ghosts hunters wear?

Community iconc/dadjokes@lemmy.world by

Just a paranormal jeans. 👖

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Canada tried to sell me one of their largest Provinces

Community iconc/jokes@lemmy.world by

but I wasn’t having Nunavut.

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The more thing change...

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The perfect language

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Gang shit

Community iconc/dadjokes@lemmy.world by

cross-posted from: https://lemmy.world/post/46301461

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Be(e/a)ts

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A man takes his son to an airport for a family holiday

Community iconc/jokes@lemmy.world by

Unfortunately, the airport and the upcoming holiday are far too exciting for the child, and he just can’t stay still. Every few minutes, the father is chasing down his son and trying to keep him in line. Eventually, he tells his son that, if he doesn’t reign it in, he’ll have no choice but to put the son in a suitcase and put him on the plane as baggage.

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I had lunch at that new Chinese-German fusion restaurant. An hour later, I was hungry again....for power.

Community iconc/dadjokes@lemmy.world by

Courtesy of Rose and The Golden Girls.

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Would watch

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Greek Nathan finally opened up his shop.

Community iconc/funny@lemmy.world by
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Rare photo of the Milky Way seen from the surface of Mars

Community iconc/dadjokes@lemmy.world by

cross-posted from: https://lemmy.world/post/46272281

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Where do birds go for Spring break?

Community iconc/dadjokes@lemmy.world by

Some place cheep!

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Played an RPG character who was a telepathic grizzly that was minor nobility but had amnesia.

Community iconc/dadjokes@lemmy.world by

His name? Baron Mind.

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A-koo-chee-moya

Community iconc/dadjokes@lemmy.world by

cross-posted from: https://lemmy.world/post/46256782

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What city do you move to for a chronic sore throat?

Community iconc/dadjokes@lemmy.world by

Loz Angeles!

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Delivery!

Community iconc/humor@lemmy.world by
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What do you call an alligator that uses GPS?

Community iconc/dadjokes@lemmy.world by

A navi-gator!

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Please help me Doc

Community iconc/dadjokes@lemmy.world by
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Life of a Kindergarten teacher

Community iconc/dadjokes@lemmy.world by

Deep in the heart of Texas, a kindergarten teacher was helping one of her students put on his little cowboy boots.

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Hunter Dad Jokes 1.0

Community iconc/dadjokes@lemmy.world by

what do you call an eyeless dear?

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On windy days, I like annoying everyone with a "Boy, we're sure getting our money's worth out of these wind chimes!"

Community iconc/dadjokes@lemmy.world by

That’s it. My OC dad joke. Please use responsibly.

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Dad Jokes 2.0

Community iconc/dadjokes@lemmy.world by

Why was Cinderella so bad at soccer?

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Triumph Roasts RFK Jr., Hegseth, and Karoline Leavitt at the WHCD

Community iconc/politicalhumor@lemmy.world by
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There once was a man with a depressed horse

Community iconc/jokes@lemmy.world by

The horse was too sad to jump, too sad to sprint, too sad to do much of anything besides eat and neigh forlornly. There wasn’t even anything that happened. The horse was just… Sad.

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Olivia Rodrigo Gets The Devil Wears Prada Treatment at SNL

Community iconc/funny@sh.itjust.works by
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[Microblog] RE: friendica

Community iconc/humor@lemmy.world by

RE: friendica.world/display/84b6efWhy be the foolproofer when you can be the fool? 🤔😂 @humor@fedigroups.social @humor@lemmy.world @aiop #Satire #Humor #Humour #Comedy

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