Tuning in for the season-opening Australian Grand Prix on Saturday night (Sunday afternoon in Melbourne), I was expecting many things. I was expecting Aston Martin to retire from the race early in order to avoid causing Fernando Alonso and Lance Stroll physical harm. I was expecting a few other retirements from the race due to reliability issues and the jankiness of the new cars. I was expecting a George Russell win, and a comfortable one at that. All of those things came true, more or less. Hilariously, both Alonso and Stroll looked to be retiring only to come out miles behind to do some on-track testing; the graphics team surely had fun writing “+12 laps” there. Because I am a fool and a Ferrari fan, however, I did not foresee a vintage dose of Ferrari strategy shenanigans, which only made their traditional appearance on race day all the more demoralizing.