Confessions

I recently was talking to a friend about my addiction to reddit and I came to understand that i feel as though I cant talk to my family about stuff. I genuinely cant sometimes because they don’t understand or don’t find it interesting, and to me that’s ok but I can tell its becoming a problem. I’m getting emotional I don’t have anywhere to go, I know online isn’t good, but my parents are in there sixties, my sisters are dealing with newborns, my nieces are becoming moms and my brother is doing his own thing with his girlfriend. my friends are quickly picking up that if they don’t answer or feed into what I say I wont talk and they’ve admitted that they cant relate to me on the level I need. my therapist has helped me somewhat put these feelings into a coherent format but now I’m left with the feeling of loneliness and anger that I simply cant point to anywhere but myself and that isn’t healthy either since I’ve made peace with the fact that if my family wasn’t around I would have shuffled off the mortal coil. So what do I do? where do I go? why cant I just not feel these emotions? why cant I be normal like all the other people in the world?

For context, me (21m) and three other friends B(21m), S(20m) and A(22m) all got together because we were all in town and had free time during the valentines day weekend. While we were refilling our snacks we talked about how relationships are going and what we got for our respective partners or hopeful partners. I didn’t have any prospects in terms of romantic interest and its something I felt sore about while hearing S and B talk about the gifts they got and gave to their partners, but A started to complain that he was getting too much attention from women and that he didn’t know what to do with it all. he told us that he was feeling some pressure because so many girls were approaching him and flirting with him, that caused me to get angry and insult him which triggered a verbal altercation that turned physical when I threw one of his deepest insecurities in order to win the argument. Neither of us were hurt and I left quickly after both of us were separated. now B and S are telling me to apologize which i am not willing to do.

It wasn’t intentional, but I’m thinking of leaning into it. LOL I realized this year, that my holiday card list is divided into classes. I generally have very fancy cards made by a local artist, “normal” cards, and genuine vintage cards which I source from a shop nearby. Originally, the idea was to be sending people cards based on what I think they’d like the most. For example, some of my friends would appreciate a vintage card over a fancy new card, but I think it turned out mostly sending my favorite friends and family the nicer cards and people who I’m not as fond of the less fancy cards.

so recently I was invited out to the mall by my Ex-girlfriend, the outing was going to be with her friend L and L’s boyfriend B. ex-gf didn’t invite her current BF G because G doesn’t like L in the slightest, neither does he like me because Ex-gf and I are still in touch and talk regularly. I tried to get my parents to allow me to go but they said no out of fear of B or G harming me or me harming them and getting arrested. my mom was particularly concerned about the ’optics’ of the situation since It would look like a double date and three white people with on black person.

Years ago, I had knee surgery that was fully authorized by Cigna. Everything was covered—except the anesthesiologist. Apparently, the guy who put me to sleep wasn’t “in-network” or “pre-approved” or whatever excuse they pulled from the insurance denial playbook.

He treated me like shit. But I loved him. I still love him. I didn’t want the divorce. I thought I would die married to him. I thought we would be buried next to each other.

It has made me think of all the times I didn’t do something because I thought the risk to my life was too great. Now it just feels like a missed opportunity to have lived more even if it had killed me.

A little over a week ago I (20m) went out with my club mates to a restaurant without my parents supervision. It was the first time I ever did that and I felt very happy since i felt that i was doing something normal young adults do when they have friends. the thing is that when I was talking to my siblings and friends about their unsupervised outings with friends they were telling me that they’ve been doing that since they were in middle school and that I’m late to the party.

There is something hot about this dominant damane treating you as a pet with a collar and stuff. It still makes me kind of aroused even thinking about it.

You’re literally justifying the 20 years of abuse I went through, and the lifetimes of abuse unluckier people go through since they weren’t lucky enough to live a real life. You can’t be for human rights and continue to contribute to the reason why children are abused into becoming nothing and living mediocre lives until they kill themselves.

My wife thinks I hate animals. Whenever the kids ask for more pets my wife instinctively goes, “Your father won’t like it.” And I make a big show about being annoyed.

At first I just wanted to make my life less haunted by Stove Jobs and Bill Gatos

It’s fairly straightforward. I’m in my 20s and I feel no desire to spend any time with her. She’s always been a deceptive and conniving person, and literally tore apart our family and her marriage because of it. Why would I WANT to spend time with you?